Im a precious entitled woman and Im proud of it!!

I just read this interesting article on miscarriage
http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/lifestyle/life/womens-silent-suffering-20120528-1zehu.html#ixzz1wAAQF2dF

I find that a lot of women dont want to talk about it, or when my friends had suffered from miscarriage I didnt know what to say. All I knew was that it was extremely common and I think a little section of our brain is born with receptors constantly telling us that we have a huge chance of miscarrying once we see that BigFatPositive pregnancy test.That is why most, not all but a huge amount of women wait to tell anyone their pregnancy news until they are "out of the woods" so to speak.

I remember when I was pregnant my Mother in law gave me a set of Winnie the Pooh onesies and her mother was downright offended. She was in her 80s at the time and believed it was extremely rude and bad luck to give gifts to a pregnant woman so early in the pregnancy.
She tutted and shook her head in disagreement, we just smiled and giggled at eachother. But I can see where the old girl was coming from now. Who picks up those pieces when it all falls apart.

I read some of the comments and this one didnt sit well with me.

"Perhaps it's a case of what the article hints at, it's all apart of life. Some pregnancies carry through, some don't. Yes it's still terrible, but it can't be helped. I'll say that part again, it can't be helped.
So yes you need support, but it often sounds as though the precious entitlement syndrome strikes again in that because you managed to get pregnant that it means you will have a baby. Um, no sorry ladies it doesn't happen like that. Just like the myth of all births being straightforward, only a small percentage are complication free.
A strong dose of reality often goes a long way."

Commenter:Ailie.

Precious entitlement syndrome? I'm sorry what? Just because we fall pregnant does not give us the right to get excited about procreating people!?!
I wonder why Ailie thinks that just because you fall pregnant does not entitle you to a baby. I wonder when Ailie got her strong dose.

 When I had my ruptured ectopic on an island 80 miles over an ocean from a hospital, I remember listening to those helicopter blades chugging and me being so grateful I didnt live in Timor, a mere 500km away from where I was. I would have surely died, and over there it seems that the pill isn't as bitter to swallow as it is for us Australians, however, just because they are used to poverty doesn't make them less entitled. I understand I'm lucky, I understand the statistics, I understand how complicated the whole spectrum of conception is.....I don't think that I'm better or more deserving than others to have a baby, I know that. I know it wont make any difference if I do think like that. But...I am a precious entitled woman. I'm entitled to mourn my baby, I'm entitled to mourn the glimpse of the future that I will no longer get to live and breathe. I am grateful for what I have gained in this life, but do not spare me or anyone the right to be hurt by what we have lost. That is far to much to expect from any parent. Are you a parent yet Ailie? Do you have any desire to be a parent Ailie? I wonder??

Does anyone else think this comment was a bit rich??

Life after an ectopic pregnancy support group in Australia

This article talks about the trials and tribulations of women in Ireland who have experienced ectopic pregnancies and decided to start their own charity to raise awareness for other Irish women.

Life after an ectopic pregnancy

I'm looking for Australian women who have experienced ectopic pregnancy in their lifetime. So that we can

 1. Create a support network for each other (its kind of embarrassing, I'm stalking the US and UK forums at the moment due to a total lack of response from anyone in the Australian forums. I'm sick of feeling alone in this guys.

2. Create awareness of ectopic pregnancy and the dangers it presents through written and verbal publications.
I noticed that I received no written information whilst i was at and when i left the hospital. At my check ups i was checked physically, hows my pain, how are my staples, am i eating , bowel movements etc....but no "how are you doing emotionally, how is your support network going, what are you doing to heal yourself emotionally.

These are the questions we should be asking women when they confront the seriousness and reality of "dancing with death."


3. Provide a safe place for people to turn to and vent their emotions in an environment that is present when they are experiencing, loss, fear, anger, resentment, guilt, loneliness, frustration and every emotion that comes along with time.

4. Eventually build something to the stage where we too can have a charity, that supports ectopic pregnancy sufferers. I believe we are a class all of our own, we lost our babies yes....but the cherry on top is we almost lost ourselves and we don't think about that when we see that "big fat positive" do we?

We do now.......after an ectopic pregnancy its only natural. Just like the fears, anxieties and the loneliness. Its all natural, yet I had no one in Australia to tell me that.

It felt as though when i checked out of hospital I was handed a shovel, and sent on my way. Out into that mean world that tried to bump me off 6 months into my marriage and leaving my 4 yr old son motherless.I armed myself with that shovel and proceeded to dig myself a  hole that I intended to bury all of my resentment and anger and anxiety. Its hard to know how big to dig this hole when you don't have anyone there to support you, and before I knew it my hole was so big,so dark and so cold that no one could see me anymore, and it became a pit....of depression.

I didn't need a shovel....I needed a hand. A hand to guide me, to point to all the goodness in me, to pat me on the back and make me recognise just how strong I was to survive.

Don't tell me that "I'm Lucky", don't tell me" I'm okay" and don't tell me to "get over it" It doesn't help it just makes me feel more isolated and it hurts. It hurts a lot and it keeps hurting. No one told me that either. There is a lot of stuff we aren't told in Australia when we have an ectopic pregnancy, and I really want that to change.

We need it to change.


Please let me know your thoughts.


Think pink

Janey