Shifting focus.

Lately I am struggling with the whole concept of TTC or (trying to conceive rather) for those of you that are not familiar with the abbreviation. All of the lingo and abbreviations that I have come across whilst snooping around in the baby and mummy forums is quite overwhelming. I realise that I have led such a sheltered existence when it comes to TTC. Noone in my family has had trouble TTC before, 1 of my friends has had trouble with miscarrying but has since pumped out 3 pumpkins in a row with seemingly little effort. Okay thats not true, but she makes it look easy.
Originally after my ectopic pregnancy I thought I would wait for a while to try and fall pregnant again, apart from the fact my husband now looks at me as though if he has sex with  me Ive now got a 15% chance of spontaneously exploding, it made sense to wait until I have healed.

How long does the healing take?

If you lose a pregnancy, foetus, baby whichever you chose to call it do we ever heal? 

I have to remind myself everyday, out loud " Jane you have lost a tube, not... I repeat not your mind!!"
Okay...so maybe I have lost a little bit of my mind somewhere along the way. I think it probably has more to do with being dropped regularly as a baby, but all of my siblings profusely deny.. deny.. deny!! hahaha I do talk to myself a lot though, Im the best support person I know...actually Im a pretty crappy support person but beggars cant be choosers. Im living in a new town, I dont know a soul, I have no friends in the flesh, Im homesick, Im cranky all of the time, Im unemployed and I feel like I am constantly letting down my son and my husband.Blah blah blah rant rant rant...ahhh this feels great. The tricky thing is, this dark little thought slips in through the gaps saying, " If I hadnt lost the baby everything would be perfect right now"

Well we all know thats bullshit! 

Its not true, I know its not true. For one, I would have put on atleast 25 kilograms by now, bitching about the weather and how tired I am and how I cant wait to be able to see my ankles again, guzzling antacids repeatedly to beat the chronic heartburn stressed out of my brain that something might go wrong.Waking from nightmares of giving birth to a blue mutant..yay!And thats before the birth!!!Why do I feel like Im missing out here again, I forget?

 From now on Im now shifting my focus. Im going to TTC. Except now I'm going to create instead of conceive.

Trying To Create!

• Im going to try and heal through creating art.
• I will invest more energy in creating a happy home
• I want to actively create awareness of ectopic pregnancy.

If in the meantime, we create a baby well...that would be awesome. I dont necessarily believe that babies choose their parents, but in the event that they do... we dont want to come across as too desperate now do we ladies?

Wish me luck!!

Think pink.

Janey